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Every solution I come up with, it gets shot down.

No, I really don't think she's seeing other guys.

But if you see the way she is with me and like the stuff she says. I don't see that.

I'm just like, I'm— I don't even believe that we're gonna see each other in 2 weeks. I just feel like she's gonna come up with another reason why she can't meet. Although it would be like, I think she would have to just come clean because she's already— she booked the tickets right in front of me and she

knows that I've paid for the hotel.

She will just have to come like tell me what's really going on.

It's not even that far, it's like 100 miles. It takes a couple hours to drive there,

and she knew the distance before we met.

Just— I'm not devastated because I can't see her for 2 weeks. I'm devastated because,

like, what this forebodes— the foreboding is not good.

No, it's literally— we're talking about £20 to £40.

No, who, who would not want to see their boyfriend over 40 pounds?

I mean, if

she knows the channel, then yes, game over.

No, no mystery, is there?

Like, I mean, if it just all came out like, okay, I found your channel, I hate you, scumbag, I'd be like, fuck. I knew this was going to come sooner or later, but no, it's like very vague right now. I don't understand.

My sister's going home tomorrow, so I wouldn't be able to see her tomorrow anyway, but I might go home anyway because, I mean, at least the 5-6 hour journey would distract me. It'd be nice to be home again. And there's no point being in this house.

I mean, like, the only thing getting me through all this was seeing her every week.

I can't bear— I mean, like, like, worst— best, best case scenario is that I see her in 2 weeks and it's all just been nothing.

And I, I come back here anyway. Or worst case scenario is it's really over. Then yeah, I would rather be at my mum's house. And then I'm gonna text landlord, I'm gonna tell him I'm moving out.

Like, if I lose this girl too, I'm out of here. I'm, I'm not sitting here in self-isolation blowing all this money

So I mean, if it is over and like this 2-week thing is not even gonna happen because she's gonna come up with another reason, then

yeah, I want to be at my mum's house and I'm gonna start initiating Project Operation Move Out. And if that takes 2 months, I'll come back here in 2 months and pick up the rest of my stuff.

I'm not sitting here for 2 months waiting for the move-out date. I'm just going to go back home.

Weed Girl's looks out of 10.

I find her really really attractive.

I'd give her like 8 out of 10. Why the fuck? I mean, do you think I'd care if she was like 2 out of 10?

Like, do you think I'd be crying like this if it was Mizuki?

Fuck no.

Just text her. I text her an hour ago, she didn't reply.

I just said— she said, I'm really glad we matched, and then I said, me too, I just hope I didn't do anything wrong. That was an hour ago, but I'm like, I'm crying because I'm like preparing that this is like the end,

like this could be the end.

And I don't know why she won't let me fix the problem. I'll bring a sandwich, I'll drive there, I'll book a cheaper hotel. Like, she's like, none of my solutions, she doesn't want to hear it. She's just like, oh, I need time to rebuild my savings.

Last weekend was so, so nice.

Last weekend,

uh, my memory's a bit fuzzy, but I don't think I I asked her to meet the next weekend. She asked me, like, where are we gonna meet?

So I just don't get it.

My mum's not being very supportive. She's just saying, oh, it won't work, you live too far away.

Major weak behavior. Well, okay, yeah, maybe. Just like, I mean, how much does my behavior— like, how much is it weighing in as a weighing-in factor at this point where she's kind of already decided

not to meet?

For whatever reason,

I can't meet because of lack of £40.

Why was last week so nice? It was just really nice. Like, we spent time together and it was intimate.

I'm gonna plug my car in tonight, get 100%, and then I'm gonna head back to my mum's house tomorrow,

and I'm just gonna stay there. I'm not leaving my mum's house until I have confirmation that we're gonna meet up again.

And then if she ends it,

I'm initiating Operation Move Out, and it's over, it's done.

And then I'm not gonna look for another girlfriend until next summer. Gonna hunker down, and I'm just gonna lick my wounds, and I'm gonna save up as much money, and then I'm just gonna Trying to forget about this whole year. This whole year's been shit.

At least it's like distracting in a nice way with my mum and Dave Gibson around, my sister coming back now and then, Pushkins there.

I can't stomach living here completely alone. I got no one.

I don't know what I've done wrong.

Last weekend was so good. Like, did I not text back enough?

Did I not show enough interest? Does she think I'm just using her for sex?

My sister said maybe you should insist. Harder. And then I showed her a picture of the text and she said, oh yeah, you kind of did insist. I said, yeah, I know, there's nothing really else I can say.

I mean, we didn't even do it last weekend.

I don't know what to do.

Like, hopefully I'm just overreacting and being a stupid idiot. Really is just about money. We meet in 2 weeks and so we continue.

I mean, she started a new job, so maybe she's like stressed out because she started a new job, like things are changing.

Like, I remember when I moved here and I started a new job, like my mind wasn't really— I wasn't

like— my mind was on focusing on the job and like focusing on money. Like, maybe, like, maybe it's that. But I'm the same, like, when I'm in financially stressful situations, I don't— all I want to do is like hunker down

and get money coming in. I'm not really in the headspace to be dating.

No, I can't ask her like why did she suddenly change. I can't like inter— I can't interrogate her.

It's not gonna help. Like there could be other reasons she doesn't want to tell me about.

I think for my own financial and mental— for the best interest for my financial and mental state,

moving back to my mom's house is a no-brainer.

I see no benefits of staying in this house.

I will,

I will carry on paying rent until I have confirmation that it's over between us.

But I don't really think this end of the month thing is happening.

Or maybe it will happen out of guilt because she knows I've already booked the hotel.

I mean, she booked the tickets, but she can always bring someone else. It's not in my name or anything.

It's been such a curveball that I didn't see coming.

I just like— I can't wake up tomorrow and stream all day in my house, day after day after day.

Why can't you live your life for you?

Because I want to be important to someone and I want to make someone happy.

Like, having all the money in the world means nothing when there's no people in it.

I want someone special. I want to love

and be loved.

Been very stressed out recently.

I've been very stressed out recently, and she was like the light at the end of the tunnel.

She's having difficulty managing all the parts of her life and how to fit you in it. Give her space.

Yeah, I mean, that sounds reasonable.

Stressed out about what? About a lot of things.

Everything's just been horrible, but she was like this light in the darkness that I look forward to. Like, the idea of losing that as well, I can't cope with it.

Really, just— I don't know why it's so hard to just get a girlfriend.

You see, the problem with people is they have all this— they, I mean, they got their own problems too.

You know, you never really know like the whole picture, do you?

Devon's very beautiful place, but very lonely when you're alone.

It's like you think having a car and having money and having time and freedom, what can go wrong? It's like all my tools that can fix problems have become ineffective.

So yeah,

I'll probably go home tomorrow.

Life's so tough, isn't it?

If this fails,

I

don't know what I'm gonna do.

I think I just gotta spend at least minimum 6 months not trying to find a girlfriend. Just like have some alone time.

Cut losses,

rebuild.

Maybe

I'll buy that gaming computer.

Yeah, maybe a job wouldn't be a bad idea.

She says meet 2 times a month. That's fine. It's not fine, but it's better than

Nothing. I mean, I don't know where, where it would be going.

Like, would she move here or would I move there?

I don't know, I haven't planned out everything.

But like, I want— I thought things were going strong, and I like her eagerness.

The most fun job I ever had?

YouTube, 2018 and '19, easily.

Ah, I just don't know.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know, like, what's the whole story here?

Damn,

market's tanking.

My life's such a mess.

I was just really looking forward to this weekend.

Yeah, I know it's silly getting sad over a girl because it's like it's not really exactly been hard to find the next one based off of historic data.

It doesn't make it hurt less.

Whenever you— I don't know, like you find someone you like and then you lose them, it feels like the end of the world.

And then a couple months pass and then, I don't know, you meet someone new.

And then you wonder, how was I so upset before?

Oh, I had such a great time.

A couple weeks ago we went to this Indian restaurant and

it was just so nice.

We sat— we didn't sit opposite each other at the table, we sat next to each other and we were like holding hands.

Under the table.

Tikka— no, I got tandoori chicken with the naan bread.

And then I stood up, put my jacket on. The waiter quickly came over and he was like, is everything okay? Like he thought we were going to do a runner or something.

I just had such a nice time.

Just wanted more.

I just really hope it's not over.

Work on yourself.

I, I don't even know what I've done wrong.

Like, how could I possibly fix this.

Now, the gentleman after this So for that,

really put in my best effort with the texting.

You need to have other things going on in your life.

Yeah.

But it's like, I don't know, imagine your destination goal is point A,

but to get to point A, you got to go to point B, which leads to A. In my mind, I just want to skip straight to point A. And not bother with point B. But really, point B is like

the best way to get to point A.

It's the longer way, but it's like the more stable way.

It's like you can go all the way around over the safe bridges, or you can just jump over the chasm. It's like you got this chasm and over the other side is point A. Let's just take the leap and let's take the shortcut to point A.

I don't know. And like, another possibility is

there was like some other thing she wanted to do on the weekend which requires money, so she had to like choose between this other thing and me. And like, we already met last weekend, so she'd rather spend the money on this other thing or save the money. I don't know, there's like a million possibilities running through my

mind.

Maybe I'll have a clearer picture tomorrow.

And then I've got to prepare for the possibility that it's over,

in which case I've

got to wrap up this arc.

I'm gonna wrap up this arc and like reset.

I was like,

with the possibility— I mean, even if things hadn't have ended, I was still thinking about moving out.

I mean, I didn't want to move out because

I realized it's like a hurdle I need to overcome,

standing on my own two feet.

I can never have a proper relationship if I don't overcome this fear of getting a job.

Girls don't want to be with me if they know this is what I do for a living.

Hey, because my dream is to make money online. My dream is not to get a job,

but apart from streaming, I don't know how else to make money online.

Yeah, I know streaming isn't the problem. It's what I do on stream is the problem, is that I overshare. And I say stupid things

about toxic community.

Like, if something is really upsetting me, I can't keep my mouth shut.

No, we didn't break up. It's just it doesn't look good from my perspective.

Doesn't look very promising.

But I mean, how can I trust that she, she means what she says when literally yesterday we were supposed to meet tomorrow?

Like, I can't believe what she says.

Like yesterday it was can't wait to see you tomorrow, and then now it's can't wait to see you in 2 weeks, and then it's gonna be, oh sorry, I can't make it because of XYZ.

Why 2 weeks? Because we plan to do this thing together at the end of the month. And I booked the hotel and she booked the tickets.

It's like a pretty big thing.

I mean, I give people the benefit of the doubt, so if they do what they say they're going to do, then I have no reason to doubt. But when they start being like, oh, suddenly canceling plans,

and then the reason is kind of not very believable— I mean, over £40?

It would have been more believable if she said like she couldn't get her car booked in for repairs.

So maybe, I mean, maybe that means that is the legit reason because there's like 100 other more believable reasons than that. I mean, that's a pretty weak reason and this is actually legit.

I mean, she has always been kind of apologetic about the money thing. Like, are you sure? Is it really okay? I kept saying, yeah, it's okay, but I, I've got this feeling that she didn't seem like she was okay really, that she was like pushing it aside.

Okay, she replied to me.

I said, I hope I haven't done anything wrong. She said, you haven't done anything wrong, I promise. And then she said kiss emoji.

Okay, so now I just got to play it cool.

I just got to play it cool. Sit on my hands.

I just gotta play it cool and not like blow up. Give her space. Now she obviously seems like she wants space.

I, I got to be understanding, calm-headed, think positively.

One time, I don't know if you guys noticed, like a couple weeks ago I was very down. I didn't tell you why. It was basically because I waited all day for her reply. I didn't get a reply, and the reason why I didn't get a reply is because I didn't turn Wi-Fi on my phone on, which means

I wasn't receiving messages. And then I switched Wi-Fi on, and then all the messages came in. I was like, oh, thank fuck,

because I had it on data because I went out. But I don't know why I turned off the Wi-Fi. I didn't turn it back on when I came back home, and the signal went dead.

Is she relating? Oh yeah.

No, I wouldn't cheat.

Actually, Spanish girl has been messaging me if I want to meet up and I haven't pursued it.

Actually, Spanish girl keeps messaging me. Keeps saying, hey Jason, how are you? And I'm like, I'm good, how are you? I never messaged her first. She like— I mean, it's been like 2 months, nearly 2 months since I met Spanish girl.

I haven't really shown any interest since the first date, but she keeps messaging me and she even asked me if I want to meet up and I was like, sure, I'll let you know, but I never pursued it.

So I'm like, okay, yeah, in the past I've cheated, but I don't think I'm a cheater. So just because I had a bit of broccoli last weekend for dinner doesn't mean I'm a vegan. Just because I like anal doesn't mean I'm gay. Like, I don't believe in the whole once a cheater, always a cheater. No, it's so

wrong, and I've proved that it's wrong.

I don't think just because you cheated once means you, like, can't stop yourself cheating in every single relationship.

You've cheated more than once. Yeah, but the point is I cheat— I didn't cheat less. I mean, I didn't cheat more times than I did cheat.

I only cheated twice.

Chihiro and Fasta, that was it.

All the other times don't count because they weren't girlfriends, like proper girlfriends.

Should I reply now? Is it too quick?

Wow, so glad I got you guys for moral support.

So glad you got my back.

So glad I have such a non-toxic audience. Thanks for that, guys. Reply with what? I don't know, I don't know. Thanks.

I've got to say something.

No, I don't hate you, Murph. I don't hate Murph, Elliot, Elf Tower. On CAD. I hate, I hate Sidloin, and I hate Rings of Saturn, and I hate Simply, and I hate— who else?

Moises is cool. I hate Drac Lord. Elliot's cool. Andy's cool. Aiku's cool.

Uh, don't know about Kraton Lean. TB's cool. Relentless Boredom's cool.

Voided— I don't know, I think I raged at you before. I can't remember why. I guess you're cool.

Don't like D Zhang. Dante's annoying.

I don't mean everyone's toxic. When I say toxic audience, I mean, you know, the toxic ones are toxic.

Tell her you respect her boundaries, looking forward to seeing her when she's ready. Yeah, so I gotta lie.

I'm not okay. I don't respect this. I'm not happy.

But I don't have a choice.

I want to rage. Like, you don't want to sue me over £40? What?

You can't pay for food? I just said I can bring a sandwich. I bring sandwich and packet of crisps. I don't even have to pay for it. I've already paid for it. It's in the kitchen right now. I've got 2, 3 microwave meals in the fridge. I would bring those, whack in the microwave, and what are you

talking about you don't have money to pay for food? You don't need to pay for food. I already got food. I don't need you to pay for my food. I can pay for my own food and yours.

Also, I got to be careful not to sound passive-aggressive, like, okay, see you 2 weeks' time then.

I'll try not to forget what you look like.

Keep it light. Yeah, I

know, keep it cool.

It's all cool. I'm totally not freaking out.

No, she's never canceled before.

This is why it's like— I mean, this is very out of character,

but then again, I've only known her for 2 months, so I don't really know her full character.

I don't take cancellation well.

I take it very badly.

Okay, I've got reply, so what do I say?

Okay,

what are you gonna say? I just said, okay, I'm glad to hear that, and then I put heart emoji.

Do you remember that time I lied about breaking up with Jiro and then we got back together and I pretended I was homeless and everyone thought we got divorced and then Elvis Alien flew to Japan and exposed me? Good

times.

That blew up in my face, didn't it?

I was like, guys, I'm flipping in a tent. Look, I'm cooking sausages by the river. I'm homeless.

And I'd shoot the video and then go back to Chihiro's place. And then I couldn't stream at the house. Remember I streamed on the balcony thinking no one would notice because I never showed the balcony before, so you wouldn't notice the tiles on the balcony?

Well, I didn't know what to do.

Making the relationship public kept causing fights, so I said, okay, um, I'll just tell everyone we broke up. And then Chihiro goes, you're just telling everyone you broke up with me so fangirls will think you're single. And I was like, no.

Damn, market's ripping.

Nice short, uh, take profit got triggered at £2 after being down £60.

Don't know if we go down more though.

I mean, I have been meaning to talk about this girlfriend-boyfriend thing, but I don't know, like, the timing never seems right,

and I feel like I shouldn't do it over text.

And it has— it's still early days. We go out and we hold hands.

I mean, you only hold hands in public when you like— you want to show everyone, yeah, we're together. I mean, I wouldn't hold hands with a friends with benefits.

The first video I watched was where you and Shiro went to the homeless camp. Yeah, God, I was so scared at the homeless place. I was like, Shiro, can you come? I'm scared. The place is so intimidating. People just randomly yell at you. Remember I was walking around filming? This homeless guy yelled at me like, "Oi, Megane!

Nani to tenya?" And I was like, "Oh shit!" I walked away really quickly.

I didn't know how he knew I was filming because I had my secret stream setup on with my bag strap.

You know the funny thing about Japanese people is when they call at you and they don't know your name, they will use something you're wearing to call. Like those kids called me Oi Ryukku, like Ryukku Saku, like backpack. Oi Ryukku, Oi Megane. Like they call you what you're wearing. I guess, I don't know, you kind of do

that in English. Like, oi backpack boy, oi glass four eyes. Maybe we do that in English.

I don't know, they always use oi as well. It's a very rude way to call someone. And you know when they say oi, it's

not friendly. It's not a friendly interaction.

Yeah, which is why I vomit in my mouth and everyone's like, oh, Japanese people are so polite.

What happened to iPhone Air?

Oh, it's in the repair shop.

When I went to return videotapes, I accidentally dropped it and it broke.

Yeah, a pigeon flew at me and I went, ah, and then it went up in the air And then it landed, smashed everywhere. It's in the repair shop now.

I'm not grinning, what are you talking about?

I'm not grinning.

I'm sick.

Oh

God, I feel emotionally destroyed.

I had

this weird dream about Holly last night,

like she was homeless or something, and I said She could stay at mine if she wants. And then we were talking about this,

uh, they— she used to use this word when we were kids that I remember very well for farting. I never heard anyone else

describe it like that. She used to sort— she used to say body burp. For fart. I don't know if her parents started that or she did, and for some reason that came up in the dream and I was bringing it up in the dream. I don't know why I suddenly dreamed about Holly.

She ruined my birthday.

Body burp.

I don't know if that comes up on Google, if anyone else says that.

It just sounds so gross. Yeah, it does. Every body burps.

Green's Dictionary of Slang. What is body burp? I guess it is like a thing. I never heard anyone else say that.

Then what, an actual burp is a mouth fart?

Ah, I wish people didn't hate me. I know people

Like, they get the wrong idea about me because they heard stuff and they just assume the worst. But if they just had— if they just hear me out,

I can explain everything. Like, this lie led to this lie that led to this that led to that. It all makes sense, but no one cares enough.

It's just like, he's a freak, he's a weirdo. He's a creep.

There's an explanation for everything,

but no one cares that much to want to hear your life story.

They're just like, yeah, he's a freak.

I don't even know, like, where did it begin?

I mean, the path to— the path to evil doesn't just suddenly happen.

You get in a tangled mess and then you try and get out of it and then you make it worse.

I'm not lying about the iPhone Air.

Do you believe people should celebrate Ian Watkins dying?

So he did something really disgusting and terrible.

And like, obviously that can be never forgiven or justified, but I, I don't know, like

Getting shanked in a prison cell after doing 10 years. I might as well just shot him, executed him on day one.

He was grooming someone from prison. Jesus.

Yeah, I used to like Lost Prophets when I was a teenager. I had the album. They were really popular.

Yeah, and it's always very disappointing Shocking when this stuff comes to light. Like Jimmy Savile as well.

Well, what's his name? Rolf Harris. Another disgraced one. Like, I mean, if something came out about Jeremy Clarkson, I'd be devastated. I love Jeremy Clarkson.

I'd just be devastated if I know he's a pedo as well.

Yeah, Rolf Harris with his didgeridoo and his funny cardboard music stick thing.

It is crazy, even after what Ian Watkins did, he still had fangirls. Jeez, like, these women are nuts.

And then I'm sitting here freaking out that my whole life's ruined because I cheated a couple times.

Didn't follow school goals. I was streaming and then there were girls walking in front of me.

How's that stalking?

Okay, I think things are good with me and the girl. Maybe I did freak out.

How do you not see faking your name is a bad thing? Yeah, I know it's a bad thing,

and I play this scenario in my mind all the time about

How am I gonna tell her? When I'm gonna tell her?

I'm just gonna say like, yeah, I really like you and I want it to be serious, but before it be— if before that happens, you need to know some things. And then I just gotta be prepared that she could leave me because she's gonna find out anyway.

I mean, it would be so easy, like, if we live together and all I— all that has to happen is I get a letter that has my name on it.

Right, if I get a job and I'm out working and then I get a letter and then she picks up the post, then I'm fucked.

Unless I just have all the mail sent electronically and I— I mean, what mail comes? Water bill, electric bill doesn't come.

Say it's your dating profile name. Well, yeah, it was. That's true.

I thought I'd do like test the waters and first I tell Spanish Girl Jason's not my real name and then see how she reacts.

But then she'd be like, why didn't you tell me earlier then? Yeah, because I mean, the real reason is because if you Google my name, we're fucked.

Spanish girls won't care because we only met once.

Have I tried using my YouTube fame in my dating profile? No way.

No one's gonna like me if they see my content. Where I'm like raging and crying, F-bombing.

Do you remember when I started going on about— I don't know, I started going on about something

and then AJ was like, no, Daniel. And then I had to DM AJ saying, oh, that's not what I meant.

I'm not very good with words. Stuff comes out sounding wrong.

One time I used the word invasive instead of intrusive, and I was like, why the fuck did I say invasive? It doesn't even make any sense.

Okay, now am I still going past my mom's house tomorrow?

Not sure. I've got a rich creamy leaky chicken ham pie, might have that. Oh, I got salmon, better eat that.

Salmon and chips with peas.

I haven't eaten peas in ages.

Got 2 salmon.

Fillets. What, salmon's not processed? Peas aren't processed?

You people always process, process, process your backs off.

One salmon or 2 salmon? Should we have both of them before they go off?

What's a losing stock? BMNR.

Uh, Tom Lee just bought half a billion dollars of Ethereum.

If Tom Lee's in, I'm in.

I'm not doing it in the pan, oil goes everywhere. Oh God, this mental stress is not gonna be good for my illness.

Who is Doc Hips?

Where everyone tuning in from, guys?

Oh God, life's so hard. How are we ever going to survive this

wretched infernal life? So many It falls dangerous.

Oh God, I did not handle that well.

Where was the emotional control?

Ah.

You know, sometimes I just wish I really was gay.

This would be so much easier.

Yeah, well, that's what happens when you're in love.

Okay, am I really gonna go home tomorrow? I mean, no. I mean, I guess I can stream now. I made more money. Back to Battlefield 6.

Sister's gone home anyway tomorrow. I don't know now.

I mean, it looks better from— for perspectives

that I'm not just sitting at home being miserable now. Okay, I'll go home to my mom's house, see my family. Makes me look like a family man.

I'm not just sitting at home doing nothing. Be like, oh yeah, I went, went to visit my mum.

Uh, did a training course.

It's good for optics.

Oh yeah, guilt trip and say, oh yeah, I went to this really nice place, sad you couldn't be with me.

Well, I'm at the museum that we plan to go to today. Oh, so tragic. You decided not to come. It's like manipulation 101. All right, step

level 100 of being a narcissist is don't do things narcissists do, so then they can't accuse you of being a narcissist. That's why I watch videos like narcissists always do these things. Well, thanks for the tips, then I won't do those things, will I? Now no one would ever accuse me, idiot.

Oh, we're helping people avoid narcissists. No, you're helping narcissists avoid being detected as a narcissist, dumbass. You think narcissists aren't watching these videos like, oh, how to detect a narcissist? Why don't you watch the video and not do the things? So narcissists always do these things. Okay, I just won't do them then, and then you'll never know.

I'm not a narcissist, shut the fuck up. I'm just saying some people might think I am, and by not doing the things that narcissists are known for doing, I'll never be accused of being a narcissist.

Yo, yo,

you're a narcissist, idiot.

Narcissism is incurable. Yeah, so, oh well, great, thanks. Thanks for telling us that we are incurable, unlovable, and we're a plague on society. How's that gonna make us feel? Best not make us mad.

How about some hope? You know, like, oh, it's not the end of the world, you can change.

Like, what if you're a narcissist but you don't want to be a narcissist? Well, then maybe you're not a narcissist, because a narcissist would never say that. Narcissists would never admit they're a narcissist, so that makes me not a narcissist.

Like, oh, I mean, all these people looking at us like we're a disease.

We're humans too.

I mean, they're humans too. It's like, whose side are you on in X-Men? Xavier's or Magneto's?

I have a feeling this is kind of like a shit test. To see how I'd react. Like, would I get mad? Would I become demanding?

I think I may have passed by showing understanding and restraint.

I think it was semi-shit test and reality.

Maybe reality Rolled into a shit test.

Why are all my big spoons gone?

I think women really don't like the idea that the guy— that they're just being used for sex,

so they try and find ways to suss out if the guy is just into them for sex or not. Like, are they willing to be patient? I think I've shown great patience.

Uh, I don't

have to eat at the table.

Should

put some butter on the peas. Whatever. I could barely taste anything anyway.

Better not be raw.

Why does the man never have to worry if he's being used for sex?

Mm,

chips very crispy,

salmon well cooked.

Salmon's such a good fish.

You don't even need to season it, it tastes so good,

like creamy and buttery.

It also doesn't have that fishy flavor

of the sea.

So where everyone tuning in from?

What's your favorite salmon dish?

Why do I make so much noise when I eat?

Because what's the point eating really quiet?

I'm not supposed to eat like that, like I'm hiding in fear, some aliens hunting me down,

and I'm like—

because I'm enjoying the food. Also, I want to eat it as quickly as possible.

Because it's juicy and wet, obviously it's gonna make a noise.

I'm sorry, eating is boring. I kind of just want to get it down

as quick as possible.

I've got things to do.

Shoving this stuff in my mouth and chewing. It's not really my idea of fun.

Am I happy? I'm slightly happier than an hour ago.

I don't know if I'll go back to my mum's house.

I'm gonna get really bored of eating this now.

Are you crying? What, now? No, I'm done crying.

I just needed to process my weekend plans being ruined.

Done.

Finished.

You can unmute now. Oh God, now what are we gonna do? Food bin.

Tea

and orange. Too orange. And grapes.

Wow.

Tea

time.

Do you think I'll ever find a girlfriend for like the rest of my life, or will I have another 20 new girlfriends by the time I die? Cuz that's what it seems like it's going to happen. I would like just like one girlfriend that doesn't leave me. It'd be nice.

Well, I guess I just got to look forward to banging 20 different more women before I die.

Although that's not really what I want.

I swear I've had like 5 girlfriends in the past 4 years.

Um, when you're 50,

just get a 50-year-old girlfriend then.

I mean, the postwoman looks pretty good and she must be 50 plus.

Besides, when I'm 50, I'm gonna look terrible, so it's not like I can complain. I already think I don't look very good now.

When I'm 50, I'm gonna look terrible, so it's not like

I can really complain that I can't get 20-year-olds. It's not like I'm Leonardo DiCaprio,

but what are you gonna do?

Here's your options, um, become a multi-millionaire famous Hollywood actor by the time you're 50,

or live the rest of your days alone because you just don't want to date anyone who's not in their 20s, or just suck it up and date someone your age.

Yeah, I'll buy a post lady a little box of chocolates, and then when I see her, I'll be like, I, I got a very small package for you.

Brown on the outside, white on the inside.

I need a nice house, flat, and a Tesla on finance. Um, maybe

not a Tesla.

Buy a car with an engine.

What's so good about an engine?

Why is a battery gay? Why don't you get a phone that runs on an engine then? If batteries are so gay,

it's manly. Riding a horse is manly. Don't see people riding around horses anymore apart from women.

I have driven petrol cars. I learned to drive in a diesel,

and I drove my mum's car loads of times, the Honda.

I remember arguing with my mum, saying that my instructor's car's a diesel, so it has more power.

And then she was like, no, it doesn't. And then the instructor came around the house

and I told my mum, it's a diesel, it's got more power. And then he interrupts me and goes, actually, no, it doesn't, Daniel, it has more torque. And I was thinking, as if my mum knows what torque is. And torque is power. So torque is literally power. That's what it means.

I mean, I don't even know what torque means. What are you talking about?

What I meant was you can get the car moving up a hill just with clutch and biting point and no gas. You can't do that in a petrol.

Which is what I was trying to explain to my mum by saying it's got more power, and then she was like, oh no, it's got more torque, not power.

Now, I was always very nervous about putting my foot down because of the noise it made. I like my electric car because it's nice and quiet.

In sports mode, I've got 136 British horsepower. I put my foot down, it doesn't make any noise apart from the wheels skidding.

I hate how I'm doing a corner from standstill, I put my foot down, it spins everywhere.

I didn't even put my foot down that hard.

Might play some Battlefield 6. I was having such a great time and then my whole world fell apart.

Now it's slowly gluing itself back together.

I was just really looking forward to the weekend,

and the fact that my weekend's not happening now because she won't let me lend her 40 quid for petrol is a little bit salt in my eye. But okay, shit test, is it? Okay, test of my patience. Okay, it's literally £30, £40 petrol,

but okay.

Does sting a little bit. I mean, I already blew £60 today on Battlefield 6. You think I care about £30 to see my girlfriend? I'd pay £30 every day to see my girlfriend happily.

But it's not about me, is it? It's about her.

Is Battlefield 6 good? It's exactly the same as every single modern military FPS team-based shooter.

It looks and plays exactly like Every single Call of Duty, every single other Battlefield. How is it different? It's like the same as Rainbow Six but sped up. It's even got the same gadgets. You got anti-grenade gadgets, you got anti-drone gadgets, healing gadgets. They got the same like bulletproof shield wall thing.

You got the 4 classes: Assault, Recon, Engineer,

Heavy Machine Gun. There's nothing interesting about it. It just looks slick because it's new, but it looks rubbish for me because I've got a bad laptop.

I don't know what else they can do with the franchise really.

You know what would be nice? If they just stopped making boring brown sandy muddy looking levels set in the Middle East. Can we have some jungles, forests, luscious looking levels with some color?

So sick and tired of the Middle East. I fucking hate the Middle East.

Sandy and brown.

Imagine living in the desert.

Be hard to make graphics for,

maybe.

I mean, they didn't have a problem with it on Star Wars Battlefront.

Let's just get Star Wars Battlefront.

I don't really know what I want from a game anymore.

Don't know, something just surprise me,

not just the same thing over and over year after year.

Games no longer give you dopamine hits. Yeah, they used to.

It just pales in comparison to the ultimate dopamine hits, which is making money and having sex. So when you are not making money and not having sex, next best thing, video games and food.

You people don't really see me smile a lot, and I have a very like resting bitch face, but after I have sex,

I have the biggest smile on my face, like pure bliss. And I'm not even doing it, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

But I just have like this face of happiness, relaxation,

like a high, high almost. Nothing makes me smile like that, just pure happiness.

Not an addict. Just because I don't get sex doesn't mean I lash out and cry and get angry.

Like you just did? No, I cried and got angry because I thought I'm gonna lose my girlfriend.

I mean, she seems pretty normal now, aside from the just suddenly canceling meeting over £20.

My sister said, um,

people who do weed are kind of lazy. Maybe she just didn't want to do the drive, like she had other plans. I mean, she already told me she had something planned on Sunday, so we'd only be able to meet for one night. So maybe she just feels like Uh, it's a long drive. I'm kind of broke.

Doesn't seem worth it.

I feel like she just couldn't be bothered, maybe.

And then she didn't want to make me come all the way. And pay for everything. Could be feasible.

Oh God, what a roller coaster.

Might end the stream, start a new one for Battlefield.

It's 9 o'clock. I'm gonna do another 3 hours until 12, maybe, or maybe just 2 hours to 11 and go to bed.

I'm a bit disappointed that she's cancelled next week as well.

I thought, okay, this weekend, but what about next weekend? No next weekend either.

I don't know, I'm just frazzled now.

Maybe it's not a good sign, but

I mean, it's better for my mental health that I just delude myself into thinking everything's okay. I'll be able to sleep tonight at least.

All I want is like to not be laying in bed all night with my eyes wide open. I hate that. Yeah, I hate that feeling. You can't sleep.

It's the worst feeling ever.

At least if I just pretend everything's okay, I can get a good night's sleep.

What do they call it in twin flames? The dark night of the moon,

where he's just laying in bed at night, wide eyes wide open.

God, I watch that tarot guy

every single day. His tarot readings. Divine feminine, divine masculine. Divine masculine is thinking of you today.

That helped me out so much though. I know it's just really stupid and dumb, but it really helped me sleep at night thinking, oh, she's thinking of me tonight.

Well, sometimes reality is just so harsh and heartbreaking. You need something like religion, spirituality, a God.

Like to delude yourself into thinking everything's okay. Otherwise, how do you sleep at night?

Just put my mind to ease. Please save me. Put me out of my misery.

Oh God, listen,

the world is so quiet.

Such a dead, cold, quiet world out there.

Oh, hello, Mommy! How are you doing today?

Where everyone tuning in from?

Ah,

only the constant droning sound of my voice drowns out the silence.

A spuma gospel on stream.

It's the only thing I hear all day is my own voice.

Okay, end stream and then 5-minute break and then we'll be back with Battlefield 6 for the finale.