How to make battered Fish and chips (without chips)

We're in lockdown. I found it.

Why does my coffee taste different every day? This is the worst one yet.

Almond. Because you use weird milk. Let me try.

There's too many water inside and too many milk.

Like, it tastes like Oily Chinese takeaway.

What the fuck? Why does your coffee taste like chicken?

Why is it oily?

It's not, it's just strange.

Help me make my fish. We're making fish and chips with chicken fry mix. It's the same thing, it's flour.

Is it?

And seasoning and haddock. Wait, is it? No, it's cod.

It smells like... This is for on chicken.

Why is it yellow?

Maybe it's expired.

Yeah.

No, my hair is not good.

It's okay.

It's not okay.

You're beautiful.

Fuck you.

No swearing, I need money.

Okay.

Okay, you bring the fish and the chicken powder.

Okay.

And I'll get the metal sticks.

I'm the assistant.

Cooking with Daniel and Mila. My mum's making a fire, so we're scrapping the plan to make fish and chips, and we're just gonna— whoa, look at that fire! Quick!

Wow, so big!

My nose is running.

But this is dangerous.

Maybe this fire is a bit too big.

Yeah, I think so too.

Stand on this side where the wind isn't blowing.

Don't come near the fire.

We're cooking.

No, no on the fire.

Why not?

It's poison.

It's not poison.

I not do.

We're gonna cook our fish.

It's poison. Why poison? Why don't you cook somewhere else?

Give us some fire.

But this is Perfect.

No, you can put it on the end of this rake and then poke it.

Stop messing about all this virus thing.

Really? Go back inside.

Oh, we got told off. But I want to cook it in the fire.

You can make it in the pan. You always cook in this.

We have to use the boring oven. Okay, so to make the batter— how do you make batter? We need the flour.

I think you're also supposed to add 1 egg, isn't it? Ah, wait, no, Daniel.

What? I think we just need water. That's, that's fine.

Usually people put 1 egg, then they put the fish inside, and then they put it in this.

That's boring.

This is so weird. And then you—

I think I put too much water.

It is.

You just put flour.

I want to see if it's fine.

Making fish and chips.

Aren't you supposed to make an egg like that, then put the fish inside, and then just put it in the batter?

You don't need that.

Why does he do it like that?

You need an egg to make it stick.

This will stick. It will.

Have you seen a video that he made with his toast in his oven? A raw egg? No. That was disgusting. I saw the onion one where you just ate a baked onion for dinner. Oh my God!

What?

Did you wash your hands, Daniel?

No.

You didn't, Daniel.

And this one?

I'm making fish and chips. See, easy.

Chicken fry.

It's for fish as well. Where's the other one?

He don't care. It's not for us.

It's Cooking with Daniel. Stupid tripod won't stay up.

Now outside smells bad.

Smells like smoke.

Smells like—

quick, let's go to the fire. My mom's not watching.

It smells like onions. Oh wait, that's the garlic here.

Yeah, no, this smells like garlic as well.

Is it? Hmm.

Delicious.

We have now been in lockdown. This is my eighth day.

In Spain.

Who's saying that?

Leaving the house until the authorities tell us to, and they're now saying the fifteenth of April. Who is it? So we have to be a month locked up. You do not leave your house.

She's in Spain on lockdown. Some more you kissing.

Worried about your parents?

We're making love. And then we lift it into the oven like this. Looks delicious. Look, isn't it nice?

It's dripping.

Put the lid on the top. My hand's wet.

Okay.

I'm washing my hands. Wow. And then we do— how about 25 minutes?

Perfect.

Nice.

I wonder how it'll turn out.

It's gonna be crispy and fishy delicious. We'll have a quick game of chess while we wait for the fish.

No, checkers.

No, chess.

Checkers.

I don't like checkers. Checkers is too basic. Chess is more complex, complicated. There's more depth to it. Okay, pay attention. The pawns move 2 spaces on the first turn, and then after that they move 1, and they can attack diagonally. And then the castle can move horizontally or in a straight line. The horse moves in an L-shape. Who's making that noise?

That's the computer.

It moves in an L-shape like this or like that.

Mm-hmm.

And it can jump over people. And then the bishop moves diagonally. I think it's ready.

Yeah.

Is it?

How many—

It's going black. I put twenty minutes.

Wow, it's looking good. Yeah, I can't believe it.

Where's the towel? Hmm. Smells quite nice as well.

Mm-hmm. Oh, okay.

Where are the tongs? Um, I'll just poke it. Oh, it's a bit dry actually. Stuck to the metal thing.

No!

Wait, I'll hold it.

No!

What to do?

It's stuck.

Wait, wait, leave it there first. Leave it there.

How?

Where is the cloth?

Don't drop it on the floor.

I said leave it there.

Okay.

I told you spray oil just now earlier, remember?

I don't know.

You made me buy two bottle of spray oil. Why don't you use it?

I can't find it.

There in behind you.

Where?

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

I need to buy to spray the metal or rub some oil, the leaf oil. What you do without me, you two?

Do you have some lemon? We can squeeze some lemon.

Oh yeah.

Okay, thank you very much. No, don't do that. You're supposed to cut it.

Then it'll be a big pile here all over the place.

We will after I finish filming.

Ready?

Don't put too much in.

This one is mine.

Okay, a bit spicy and a bit Dry, succulent. Suck your fat side. What?

Is it good?

So good.

You're putting so much lemon juice on it.

You don't have to put salt.

Oh, it's hot.

Quiet down. Before it's time to wash.

Okay, let me try. It just came out the oven.

Stop it.

A thumbnail like this.

You try it.

I want to get a close-up, but it won't focus. Okay, I'm going to try now. Mm, it's quite good.

Mm-hmm, it's delicious.

Let's take it somewhere.

I don't want the lemon.

I want the lemon. Why? I like it.

Make sure be careful when you use toilet paper, you're running out.

Okay.

What? When you use my thing, put it back. Like, put it, put it chicken already lost.

But it's not crispy because you put too many water. Maybe, but tastes good though. Why did you put water? No, he mixed the sauce with water.

You have to, otherwise it's just a powder. No, water.