why i HATE Hogwart's Legacy

I'm back.

Second crash. The game didn't crash. For some reason, Streamlabs broke and I couldn't reopen it. All my software failing on me today. Now I need to load up the game again. I don't know why it needs to prepare shaders every time you open the game. It takes ages. I don't think my PC is the problem, it's the software. Buggy, unreliable software.

Streamlabs—

I don't know why Streamlabs is the only software that everyone uses. Why can't Twitch make something good? That does what Twitch— I mean, that does what Streamlabs does but doesn't crash. Is my laptop overheating? It's pretty hot, actually. It's Very hot, burns my fingers. Mila Fat Bottom. It loaded pretty quickly.

Yeah.

Okay, where was I? What am I doing? I don't know what to do. I need to learn disarming charm, so I need to get Expelliarmus, which is this one. I don't know where to find this Professor Hecat. Successfully avoid enemy attack. Oh, I just have to find some enemies, I think, and practice dodging. So I'll just go outside and find some spiders, maybe. This game don't interest me. Why not? I think it's okay. Looks nice. It's got a lot of things to do. But I think you need to be into the whole Harry Potter universe slightly. I was really into Cyberpunk because I like the world and the cyberpunk theme. Don't know if I really care much about the wizarding world. Why do I suck at this?

At what?

Harry Potter. Why is there a bear claw here? Wow, it's quite pretty, isn't it? It's like Elden Ring. Elden Ring. I think there's a bear or some kind of monster.

Rebellion!

Oh, it's just a wabbit. Kill the rabbit. Oh, I got an autumn scarf. What is this tree? I swear there's someone in the game sounds just like you. All British people sound the same. Oh, a little house. No, why is there a paw on the map but there's nothing here? I need some enemies to fight so I can do the rolling stuff, the dodging.

What are these?

Ah, girlfriend messaged me again. I want to go everywhere in the world with you. I worry about you. Who will take care of you? Who will help you when a There's no scammer in Japan. I'm fine. She's being weird. Thinks I'm a baby. Oh my god, what's that? What's that flying fire? What was that? Poacher. Thought someone's on voice chat. Oh, there's poachers down there.

But you know what they say—

Oh my god, I pulled him up to me and now he's— oh, that was pretty cool actually. I pulled him up into the air and let him drop. Is there fall damage? Oh no. Rivet gloves. You don't think it's your internet connection? What, that's making the game lag? No, it's not an online game, it's an offline game.

Betting on the dragon fight was the best decision I've made yet.

Plans must be carefully and strategically laid out. Haste is the fool's champion. I shall not allow the very life of me to be held ransom at a mercier's reckoning.

Come here!

So I just need to practice rolling. Oh yeah, it's working. 5 out of 10, 6 out of 10, 7 out of 10.

Stop messing around like I'm an idiot!

Rookwoods don't go down easy.

So very weak.

Too slow. Why do they take so long to die? Why am I streaming on Twitch? Because if I stream on YouTube, they probably copyright strike me for stupid Harry Potter music. Okay, now what do you attend? Defense against dark arts. Back to school. I need to pee. Do do do do do da da da.

Hello.

Pepee time.

I've always said that travel broadens the mind.

My pee is so yellow. Need to drink more. Only 28 viewers. Yeah, I guess not many Harry Potter fans in the community. Huh.

Professor, I wondered, did you attend Hogwarts?

I did. I am a proud member of Ravenclaw House. Why do you ask?

I was curious as to how Hogwarts has changed over the years.

I see. Well, the castle itself, as I'm sure you have surmised, is full of surprises. I dare say more than the staircases change around here. As for the students, well, they seem to get more capable every year. Although we got up to just as much mischief in my day as you seem to now. I used to look the other way at all sorts of roguery when I was head girl.

I can I challenge you, however. How fascinating.

Not—

I need to wait for daytime. Advance day to night with For day, night to day. Yes.

I hope you were able to take care of everything I had asked you to do.

She's gonna ask you to marry her. That wouldn't really surprise me. I feel like she might suggest it. I'm gonna say I'll think about it, but I definitely don't want to get married again. So annoying marrying Chihiro. Chihiro was such a pain in the backside, wasn't she? Kind of glad she's gone now. No more Instagram or YouTube channel either. I thought I'd never get rid of her.

Professor, I completed all of your most recent assignments.

Well done.

Daniel wins again.

Pay close attention. Spellcasting requires a focused mind and a steady hand.

Wow, it's chasing me! Oh no, but I need to point the cursor at the place I'm going to.

Expelliarmus!

What does it do? Disarms wands and weapons. Okay, it's pretty useful.

You seem to have the right end of the stick, but keep practicing. This may save your life.

Okay, now we do the main quest map.

How nice to see you, my dear.

How many viewers does Yuji Nakuni get? But she gets like 600. Oh, bad guys.

It isn't Nora Treadwell's precious little guardian.

Wow, did I just blow him up? I'm already a mass murderer. I thought I'm supposed to be like an innocent teacher. Why is it— I mean, innocent student. It's just destroying people. Ugh, I'm gonna die. Oh my god, where are they coming from? I'm gonna die.

Is that all you know? Pathetic!

Ow. Oh my god, I died. I can't kill this guy, he keeps shielding. Why is this one so tough? He doesn't die when I Can I drown him? Oh, I killed him! Oh, that was tough. I'm gonna die, I don't have potions. Has your mum called you about blocking her? No, because I blocked her. How's she gonna call me? Leech juice. Do you remember when people used to call me a leech? Brings back memories. Now who's the leech? There's one more dark mongrel.

This place has seen better days.

Facebook? I blocked her on Facebook. Do you remember when people were like, get a job, leech? YouTube not a real job. I bet most of those people have lost their jobs since then. I'm still doing my not-a-job job. When did the police come? I think it was last Summer. My mum was doing a barbecue, so it must be pretty hot.

We meet again, Richard Jackdaw.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you.

Follow me.

Keep—

the combat's quite fun when it's challenging. You got to—

anything else I should look for?

Use your spells wisely, otherwise they go on cooldown. And if I recall, a lake.

You'll see.

You've been very helpful.

Thank you.

Thank you. Surprising how much of this is rather unfortunately coming back to me. Well, maybe you shouldn't have come to the Forbidden Forest, idiot.

Hmm, yes.

You know, the closer we get, the more I'm remembering. Probably best I leave you to it. Simply stick to the path and keep a sharp eye out for that bird. Wow, these are level 20 enemies. Aren't I a bit underleveled? Oh, oh, nearly 2-shot me. I'm barely doing any damage. Oh, it takes half my health with one attack. I'm barely doing any damage.

What?

Oh crap, it's an even bigger one. Why are there so many? I'm gonna die. My spells are not doing anything to it.

What are you doing now?

No, he's just watching me die. Why doesn't my spell work on it? Why is it not doing anything? I think I've glitched it or something. How to cheese the spider. Is it bugged? Look, it's not doing anything. It's gonna one-shot me if I get hit though. Haha, I killed it! And that is how you cheese the Sparta. I don't think I'm supposed to be doing this at level 12.

Nothing to do now but keep going.

Ah, incendio!

Who called the cops? Probably Gunnar Larsen.

Oh, the waterfall.

For a thief, Jackdaw surprisingly—

He didn't call them. They— he sent the clip to the police website. I think it took like 6 months for it to process. Did you see there was a huge boycott? Yeah, I saw on Twitter.

Something oddly solemn about this place. Such regal creatures, stags. There it is, just as Jackdaw described.

Good thing you can't cancel me. I'm already dead. Dead channel. How are you gonna cancel? Do you think I'll lose more viewers because I'm playing this? Probably because— not because it's J.K. Rowling or transphobic or anything, but because it's just a boring game.

Aren't you a little far from home?

Aren't you a little far from home?

Whatever it is you're hiding.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, die! I'm getting good at this.

Let's see where Jackdaw has led me.

Jackdaw's Tomb.

I wonder how big this place is.

Redenya! Here!

Impressive. That must be why this one leads.

Wow.

on casual visitors down here.

Revelio!

I wonder if any of my spells will help me through this.

So many enemies ganging up on you.

Incendio! Experianus! Gladiolus! Incendio! Gladiolus!

Don't really know why people care if J.K. Rowling is whatever.

Another puzzle.

Well, if Jappador could solve this, so can I. Perhaps the next clue is hidden somewhere.

Revelio! Oh, behind the rock! Remarkable.

It's kind of weird why J.K. Rowling is so vocal. It just seems like she's really bored and spends a lot of time on Twitter saying stuff. Doesn't she just do something else? Enjoy her money? Buy a Tesla or something? I guess she feels really strongly about this stuff. Isn't she like a super feminist?

Ah, I'm gonna die.

Oh, that was close. Nearly got me. Nearly got me. Would I see Ice when he goes to Japan? I'm pretty sure Ice will be gone by then. He's already been there for 2 months now. Seems like he's been there forever. Gear slots are full.

What?

I might need to put some gear on to give me, give me some boost— boosted stats. Oh, I got some glasses. Orange Eye Newt Goggles. This has more offense. Oh, this has more defense. Would I visit India? Never. India looks scary. Oh, I got an epic loosened under umber autumn scarf. It kind of sucks you can't really choose what you want to wear because You have to choose what has the best stats instead of what you think looks good. I don't really want to look like this, but this has the best stats. My problem with trans people. I wouldn't do that just because I don't want to get a strike on YouTube, and I feel like that would count as bullying. Otherwise, I'd definitely go all out and make like a troll video about why being trans is weird or something. Why I stand by JK Rowling.

Not a headless skeleton in sight.

Why can't I loot stuff? Your gear slots are full. What? Nothing's full. What do you mean? Your gear slots are full.

No.

Why can't I loot it? Complete Merlin trial challenges to increase your gear slot capacity or sell excess gear. Oh, you can destroy it.

Destroy that.

Daring cloak. I thought it said darling cloak. Oh. Extraordinary. Oh, that looks so boring. It's like a brown potato bag. It's got good offense. I look like an old woman. I've got 20 out of 20 gear, that's why. Where's the other one I missed? I'm gonna go and get it. Where was it? I think it was down here.

Ha! I lost it.

Oh well, I really enjoyed your stream with the huge lizards and naked guy. Yeah, it was fun, but I got such low views on it. Not even— I think I only got 4K views.

Rebellion.

It's not worth it. I'd rather just stay at home. What do I do?

Back here.

Dark Herbologist hat. Hmm, look like a hobo homeless wizard. Oh wait, what's that?

Rebellion.

No, stop.

Untouched chest. Jekyll wasn't very thorough in his surgical—

Oh, oh no, fell off.

Uh, where do I go now? Find the missing pages. Okay.

Incendio!

Revelio!

Incendio! Accio! Leviosa!

Have I got my broom? Nope, but I don't know where to go. I think I've been here.

I'm glad Richard Jekyll left a little something behind for me, but Where could he be?

Oh God, why are there so many? Well, I did 850 damage. Stupid spiders.

Not a headless skeleton in sight. What's after this?

Uh, how do I get under this? The bodies fall down. What's this spider doing? Spinning. Can you lift the rock? I don't think so. I tried. Maybe this way.

That's odd. I'd have thought Jackdaw would have been interested in this loot. There's no sign of him.

Revelio.

How do I get over there? Let's go down there. Stylish school uniform. Hmm, can't even see it anymore.

4 o'clock.

I think I'll end in 2 hours. I need to make my review video. Oh, I'm back here again.

Rebellion.

Where's the missing page?

Revelio!

Why is this wall... Yellow. I'm stuck.

There it is.

Aha.

Bridge.

It's almost complete.

Easy.

I think there's gonna be a spider boss. Yep, spider boss. Is it a boss? I don't think it's a boss. It looks big. That is 2 of them. There's too many of them.

Ow. Accio! Incendio! Farewell, monster.

I can only imagine how these spiders have multiplied since Jackdaw came this way.

Revelio. Revelio.

I'll need to look around for this one.

Rebellion. Oh, it's down here. Actually, I quite like the combat system. It's quite fun once you get used to it. You get so much loot. Level 13. Ice is rocking your old emo hair. Really? The suspenders talk him into straightening his hair. Let me see. Did I meet her mum last weekend? No, she didn't go for some reason. I thought she was gonna go. We ended up— no, she went to the hospital. I stayed here. Ice's hair, what the hell?

The symbol is hidden somewhere.

He has like really straight hair. He looks like that— he looks like that half Spanish, half Japanese guy who was in that J-drama called Rookies. He looks so funny. I don't think this hairstyle suits him. Which is better, straight or curly? Curly. How did he get it so straight? It's like anime hair. Did I go to a private school? No, I went to Chavi Swaeland's public school. His hair looks so funny. Did they put hairspray in it? How is it all sticking up like that, like he's been static shocked?

Perhaps it's under the platform. I must be getting closer to Jackdaw's remains and those pages. We meet again, Richard Jackdaw.

Oh, is that Jackdaw? Well, this guy got destroyed. He got 2 swords in his neck. Damn.

Hmm, is there something beyond this room?

Maybe.

What's that sound? Oh my God.

Spray armor is not to disarm your boots.

Spray armor is—

These are like the, the big enemies in Elden Ring, the corrupted knights. They even have a similar moveset. Where they just dive at you.

Easy.

Whoa, whoa, I didn't know I could do that. Ancient magic.

I've seen this before in Gringotts and the restricted section.

Where am I?

Oh no, the room is starting to—

Oh no.

How am I being protected? What sort of magic is this?

Wow, underwater.

I can only hope this magic protects me until I'm able to make my way out of here.

This game's pretty fun actually. It's like Indiana Jones with this dungeon stuff and the puzzles, but with magic. I don't really care about the Hogwarts stuff. Hogwarts is kind of boring, but I like the dungeons and the fighting's actually quite fun. It's that Dumbo doll. Percival Rackham. Who's that?

Has someone finally found our map chamber?

I recognize you from the Pensives. You're Professor Rackham.

I am indeed. I must confess that I am surprised to see someone so young standing before me.

I'm the same age that you and Isadora Morganarch were when you started at Hogwarts.

You've paid attention. And might I presume you share our ability to see traces of ancient magic?

Yes, sir, I do.

As you have likely realized by now, our ability gives us a unique relationship with all forms of magic. We can access expressions of magic that few others can. Opportunities will arise that allow you to sharpen this rare talent. Do not squander them.

I won't, Professor.

Thank you.

We have much to discuss. But first, a map found in a certain book led you here. Place the book on the pedestal.

I don't have the book with me, sir.

Hmm, that is unfortunate. I'm afraid we must pause our conversation until you return with the book.

I thought I have the book. What book?

I'm a bit confused, sir. Why is this room called the Map Chamber?

I assure you that—

Because it has maps.

Once the book has been placed on the pedestal.

Okay.

The statues and carvings in the house on the cliffside, those are of you. Are you a Seer?

I am.

Did you know that I would be here?

I cannot say more at present, except to say that your presence here does not entirely surprise me.

Very well, I'll retrieve the book right away.

Good, we shall speak again once the book is in place.

Your connection to ancient magic has unlocked talents. Oh, hope these talents are good. Uh-huh, so I can specialize into different Magic stuff. 8 talent points available. Oh, this makes the game more interesting. Improve spellcasting, improve dark arts, improve core stealth, Room of Requirement. I don't really want to sneak around, I want to destroy stuff. Maybe Dark Arts. Level 5, I can get Disarming Curse, Stunning Curse, Blood Curse. Level 22, Avada Kedavra or Curse Sapper restores some of your health. Enemy under your control with Imperial Curses are the targets. Hmm, Flipendo Curse. What does it do? Cursed enemies take increased damage. it flips them upside down. But spells— enemies near a target summoned by ACO are also pulled to you. Ah, it's like a group pull. Oh wow, that looks pretty cool. Casting Incendio unleashes a ring of flame. Enemies near a target levitated by Levioso are also levitated. So it's just like AoE stuff. What does this do? Enemies struck with transformation spells transform into explosive objects.

Wow.

Bombarda, explosive blast. That looks pretty cool. Imagine you just blow someone up off the edge of a cliff. Slice through impacted enemies. Confringo, produce fiery bolts that seek enemy targets. I don't know which one to choose. Which one should I get? Core, ancient magic catches and throws disarmed enemy weapons. Reduce spell cooldowns. Nah, that's boring. Oh, I can have a different spell set. Wiganweld heals you to greater effect.

Stealth—

enemies' ability to detect you reduced, allows you to sprint. I don't really want to do stealth. What about this? No, this is like potions and stuff. Hmm, I could get— I don't know if I want to get Dark Arts. They're just like curses. I want to get firebombs and stuff. Oh, that looks pretty cool. Enduring Curse. I think this one looks pretty good. Incendio Mastery. And this one. Imagine you pull them all towards you and then you do that AoE fire blast. Can I get 2? I want to get this. I also want this so I can pull them all towards me and then blow them up. I've got 6. I can get another 6. I'll get some other stuff, maybe core. Reduce spell cooldowns, that could be good. Well, maybe I get Spell Knowledge 1. This one, and what else should I get? The Dark Arts talents don't really look that interesting for some reason. Maybe I'll save those remaining 2 for next time. I need to pee again. I want to try out my new talents. What can I do?

Incendio!

Whoa, haha, Harry Potter could never do that. Look at this. So I can have different, um, spell layout here. What should I put? I could put Lumos and the stealth thing, Reparo, stuff I don't usually use. I want to get Bombardo. What do I think of the game? I'm liking it a lot more now. Now I have talents and The combat's pretty fun actually. Look at this, a firebomb. Never saw anyone do this in Harry Potter. Haha, exit the map chamber. Imagine Harry Potter just incinerating all his enemies like that. This isn't what Harry Potter was about from the movies. You don't really see anyone in Harry Potter the movies become like a weapon of mass destruction, apart from— it was only when Dumbledore fought Voldemort and And they had that epic battle when you really realized that, wow, the magic in Harry Potter is actually really cool. But they barely use really cool magic like that, they just do boring stuff. That Dumbledore versus Voldemort fight was like Naruto battle. Made the spells and magic look really cool.

I'm back at Hogwarts. I wonder when Professor Fig will be back. I did promise him I wouldn't neglect my studies while he was away. Hmm, suppose I have enough to distract myself with till he returns with the book.

Why are there all these underground dungeons in Hogwarts? I mean, what is this supposed to be? They must have built it for a reason. Oh, get rid of some stuff. Get rid of these. Relaxed school uniform. Rebellion. Yeah, I quite like the game now. Glad I kept it. It's definitely taken a long time to get into it. It takes like five hours. Until the actual game starts. You finish all those stupid tutorials. Hmm, where do I go? Maybe Hogwarts— this was what Hogwarts started off as, like a secret underground Dungeon where the wizards hid from real normal people so they don't get burned alive at the stake. And then this little dungeon got bigger and bigger and became like a massive castle. It's not very secret though, is it? How do they keep the whole wizarding stuff such a secret?

Revelio!

Sleeping dragon made of stone. What is the point of it? They move when you look at it. Rebellion. I'm in a weird part of Hogwarts. Where am I? Oh, flying class. I think I can get my broom now. This is like a very old part of the school, it looks like. Revelio! Oh, that was a secret door. Huh, wouldn't have known that. That's pretty hidden. What does K mean? Why are they Chinese, these statues? They look like Chinese people. Is that Gandalf? Who's that? This area looks all medieval. I like it. Oh, look, they got werewolves. I could sell all this and make some money, but I need to get rid of it. Tan riding attire. What does this look like? Oh, I need level 14. Trait slot. How do I apply a trait to it? So is this telling a story? Man gives baby to woman. Woman sews a thing. Men kill wolf. Men kill everything. Is there a story here? What does K stand for? Werewolf Saga Tapestries. Tells the tragic tale of a witch bitten by a werewolf. She chose to flee from her home to protect her infant daughter and husband. Rumor has it that her daughter fell asleep to the howl of a wolf for years thereafter. So tragic. Imagine it comes alive. That'd be scary. Oh wait, why are these blue? Did they do something? They're all blue. He says he likes it after hours, 5 hours of tutorials. Yeah, well, tutorials are so boring. They just drag out the game unnecessarily. Just throw me into the deep end and let me figure out how to do stuff. I don't want to be handheld like a baby. Why are these lighting up blue? Is there a puzzle here?

Yeah, don't know.

Does every single painting move? Kind of.

Niemand.

Niemand. Revelio.

Who's that? Oh, I need the lock spell. Who's this person? I don't know where to go. It's too many doors.

I'd better keep an eye on high places around the Spool for Zenobia's cobstones.

Revelio!

I think everyone's sleeping. There's no one here. Hmm, okay, let's do the flying quest.

Everybody grab a broom and we shall get started.

Mr. Clopton, your attention please.

Sorry, Madame Kagawa.

Everyone, please welcome a new student to our flying class. The goal of today is to remind all of you How to maneuver on a broomstick safely, as broom flight is first and foremost a means of transportation. This, I fear, some of you have forgotten. Diving, rolling, and loop-the-loops will not be taught or in fact tolerated in this class. We'll leave that to professional Quidditch players like the Toyohashi Tengu.

Not a fan, I take it?

Now let's see. Let's see how well everyone kept up with their practice over the summer holidays. For those who need a refresher—

Why is it lagging so much? Yeah, the frame rate got really bad.

Then kick your leg over and rest your weight on the seat.

Up. Thank you.

Now your turn.

Up, up, up, you stupid wacky schoolroom!

One leg over so there's a leg on each side. None of that side saddle nonsense. A gust of wind will throw you right off. And if you hear my whistle while you're in flight, ground yourself at once.

Good.

Now, for your first lesson, fly through each.

I'm flying courtyard.

Do take care.

It's funny.

I want them returned.

How do you go down? Oh, Control. No, I don't want to press Control.

Mount.

Maybe it's in brooms, broom controls. Where is it? Fly down. Fly down can be Alt. Let's see if that works. Yeah, that's better.

Ah, I think I'm getting the hang of this. This'll take some getting used to.

Well done. Now that you're acclimatized to your broom, let's see how well you manage with a more advanced exercise, shall we?

I need to change the sprint button. Seems like the broom controls are different. Sprint E, boost charge.

Okay.

I'm gonna take you around the grounds for more of a challenge.

What a view!

Hello! Nice day for a flight!

Oh, made it!

Did anyone else see that?

Ah, the old boathouse. Wish you could have experienced crossing the lake as a first year.

It doesn't move very fast.

Well, our aquatic resident likes to make an appearance once This is rather fun.

Oh, wow!

Well done! Have a moment?

I say, I watched you fly through those rings. You seem to handle yourself on that dusty school broom well enough. I'd imagine you're ready for something a bit more challenging. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We haven't properly met. I'm Everett Clopton. Am I right in suspecting that a Gryffindor like you might be interested in a high-flying adventure?

Kagawa seems strict. I wouldn't want to get into trouble.

Kagawa won't even notice. Besides, a bird doesn't learn how to fly by staying in the nest.

Follow me.

The tour is about to begin. Follow closely now. Right now we're flying over the Transfiguration Courtyard. Lovely as ever. Let's hope the Headmaster isn't having tea by the window today. Nice to get above it. That's all, isn't it? Ahead of the gardens, the Hufflepuff common room windows just peek out. A bit claustrophobic for my taste.

How is Everett flying so quickly?

Here's something handy to know: lean forward for a burst of speed. Helpful if you need to escape a tricky situation.

Now that's more like it.

You sure you're not part hippogriff? There's the famous bridge. Think of all the magic holding it up. I mean, look at it. And the Owlery. That's a bit of solid architecture, isn't it?

Plankets and a jaunt around Hogwarts. This is quite the tour, Everett.

That's Kagawa's whistle. This concludes our tour. Best hurry back.

Hmm, flying's pretty fun actually.

Looks like she's already dismissed class. Better hurry and hand in our brooms.

Dismount here.

How?

How should this mount be?

And where have you two been?

Oh, hello, Professor. We were trying to get a bit of extra practice in.

Hefty points.

That guy sounds so dumb.

For not following my instructions. Mr. Clopton, I am disappointed in you. You're in this class because you're still— because you're still not showing yourself, or frankly your broom, the proper respect.

But Professor—

Enough!

Class is finished for the day. As for you, You'd do well to use better judgment in the future. Chin up, that was some rather good flying.

Sorry about that business with Kagawa, but you have to admit those views were worth it.

It was worth losing a few house points for that detour.

You seem at home on a broom. Bet if you had a fancy model, you could fly laps around Imelda. She's Kagawa's favorite. I could show her a thing or two if I had my own broom. Hate having to return the school broom after class.

Perhaps I'll have to purchase a broom then.

If you can, you should. Wish I could. I recommend visiting Albie's Weeks that Spintwitch is in Hogsmeade. He's always looking to test new—

Why does he kind of look like me?

I do like Madame Kogawa. She's been tutoring me after class, although she is very strict when it comes to broom safety.

I've not forgotten about our library venture.

How did you fare?

If you're keen for some illicit spell practice, meet me outside the Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Madam Kugawa, about what happened in class—

No need.

No, you're all so welcome.

Good day to you. I require assistance with a delivery. I thought you might be interested. Please visit me at J. Pippin's Potions if you'd like to earn a few coins.

Please meet me in the 7th floor corridor as soon as you can.

I have an idea for somewhere you can focus on your studies away from prying eyes. Revelio!

How do I get my broom out? Can I just fly whenever I want to? Do I need to buy a broom? Maybe I need to buy a broom. I don't think I have one.

I wish I could afford my own broom instead of using my brother's hand-me-downs.

Black noticed the scuff on his shoes the other day. I would not take another step until a house elf polished his way for him.

Quite mad. Revelio!

How nice to see you, my young friend.

Do I like the game? Yeah, I'd give it a 4.2 out of 10. Pretty good. I just wish it wasn't so stuttery. How do I open these chests? Incendio! Revelio!

Lumos!

What time is it? I think, uh, 5. Hmm, I don't know what to do now. More quests. How many quests do I have? Loads.

Jeebus.

The pulso— what does that do? There's too many things to do. I don't know what to do. Purchase a broom. Could do that. xQc had 120K viewers. I don't think they're new viewers though. They're just people who already know him. Isn't he the top streamer? Like the top 1%?

Ah, new face. Wonderful.

Hello, Mr. Weeks, is it?

Albie Weeks at your service. Welcome to Spin Witches. Apologies if you came by before and weren't able to come in. Shop's been closed since trade routes were disrupted. Had to travel as far as London to meet with my suppliers.

It's a shame PewDiePie grew up—

thankfully with inventory—

2016 or '15, '14. PewDiePie would have played this and it would have been fun. He would have done like a Let's Play series with me. I liked his 2014 Let's Plays.

You said disrupted trade routes caused you to close Spintwitches.

Terrible it's been. Trade routes Reportedly unusable. Evidently criminals are overtaking roads, threatening hamlets. I can fly safely almost anywhere, but you try flying with an inventory of brooms on your back. No easy feat. Right then, back to work.

Sounds quite the—

all right, they should make the broom expensive so it's hard to get. Only 600? Come on, let's make the broom like 10,000 so it's difficult difficult to get, and you— it makes you feel like, wow, I really want to get this. Like in World of Warcraft, everyone really wanted the epic mount, but it was like 9,000 gold, which is really hard to get. Games don't make things hard anymore, they just give you everything from the beginning. Maybe I'll just sell everything. I don't wear this ugly jacket.

Nice doing business with you.

Sell everything. Okay, now I can get— they all cost the same. I thought I can get like a very expensive broom. Are they just different appearances but they all do the same thing? I want this one.

Highest quality.

This one has bags on it and the light. Haha. That's pretty cool, the light corkscrew, like a pig's penis.

That item is of the highest quality.

Hmm, I kind of like this one.

That item is of the highest quality.

But this one has a light on it. Does it actually work as a light? This one's got a nice seat.

That item is of the highest quality. That item is of the highest quality.

Hmm, maybe I'll just get this house broom.

You'll be thrilled with that broom, I promise you. Thanks for stopping by. Whilst nearly any broom will certainly be a step up from the practice brooms in Kagawa's class, they all have their limits. You seem to be a flyer who might be interested in, say—

Go on.

But I have some ideas for what I need. As it happens, another Hogwarts— an ideal situation for collecting flight statistics.

If you were to compete for the best time and succeed, I could complete—

How long have you had a passion for brooms?

Since the moment I saw my first Quidditch match, seeing flyers maneuver the way they do. Oh, some people continue to have their doubts about me and my ideas. I hope that won't be.

Sounds as though you took Kagawa's class.

I did, but my focus on the technical elements of brooms. She thinks it's.

Brooms.

Okay.

That sounds intriguing.

The time trial?

Sure.

Once you've beaten Imelda's time, be sure to let me know.

I can't help but admire Mr. Weeks' enthusiasm.

Okay, what should we do now? Um, next quest.

Could go to this abandoned place.

I wanna do some killing with my new spells.

Hogsmeade, here I come!

Press Tab then 3. Oh wow, I can fly now! Haha, that's pretty cool actually. A no-fly zone. So can I just fly to the top of mountains if I want to? I guess so.

Lumos.

What does that mean? How, how would I know where that is? They're so random, it's just like a load of rocks.

Incendio!

Oh, now I broke it. How do I find the place? Didn't give me many tips or hints. How do I get there? It looks kind of like this, doesn't it? If I find the place— oh, what's that butterfly?

Lumos.

What do I do? What does this butterfly do?

Pssst, Lumos!

I saw pine trees. Oh, these are pine trees. Maybe it's nearby. Actually, it looks like it was here. Didn't it? These square-looking rocks. Revelio!

Lumos!

Where's it gone? Take it to the painting, maybe. Oh yeah, it goes there, doesn't it? It's not doing it. I thought it'd go into that hole.

Oh, interesting.

All you get is a page.

Sometimes it seems all roads lead to Hogsmeade.

Animal abuse. What time is it? 6:520. Can I use my broom? I want to fight people. Wow, I'm so strong now.

What do you have in store for me this time?

I don't know how to flip it on its back. I think I need a more powerful spell. What's this?

Incendio!

Glorioso!

Accio! Expelliarmus! Reparo! Incendio!

What do I do here? Let me help you. Hmm, don't know.

Italian!

What are these? Is it the Chinese spy balloon? Oh, you can pop it. I keep missing it. Wow, the sunset. Myrddin's Trial. I used all of my spells on the rocks, nothing happened. Maybe I need something else. Wow, look at the scenery. Can I just go anywhere? Like over there to that tower? It's pretty cool actually, the amount of freedom you get. Also does auto-fly, which is nice. What's this ruined place? How do I stop doing auto fly?

Goblins.

Why can't I land? I can land here. Invisibility. Oh, they're only level 13. What if I use the drag spell, drag them off the edge? Wow, I feel so strong.

Revelio. Revelio.

Revelio.

Incendio. Let your fear burn.

How do I get inside? Maybe I can fly up there. There's a giant hole? Where? Unidentified back item. What's that? Take it to Room of Requirement.

Lumos.

Why is there nothing here? It seems like something important would be here. Is that it? Just a jumper at the top of this place?

Revelio!

Lumos!

Why is it full of goblins? Oh, it goes even higher. Whoa, I thought that was a person. A berry. Oh, you can't go in this door. Yeah, maybe later in the game something happens. Oh, what's that house down there? Where's Hogwarts? I've lost Hogwarts. Oh, there's loads of lights. Are there goblins here? Maybe I should save it. Imagine I crash and I lose everything. I'm pretty sure it's auto-saving. 6 hours.

Wonder who lives here.

Yeah, who lives in this village?

Hello, do you have a moment?

Yes, but just the one, I'm afraid.

Any whisperings of anything going about the town?

There's a random An open dug bog on the loose.

It's my—

it's making life.

Can you tell me more about yourself?

Oh, I haven't had a normal past.

My father passed away recently and I've—

I had a real—

What do you have for sale?

Do you know what you might be looking for?

Do you think I need any of this stuff? Phoenix Feather. Assign traits to gear. Um, no, I don't want any of this. Exactly what I needed.

Thank you.

Thank you for your business. Hope you'll come and see me again.

Revelio.

Who's doing that? Oh, what, a dog bog?

Wow.

How many times? Oh, I can do that once or twice, I think. Ah, level 3 lock. I want to get that chest. Is that bird stuck in the spiderweb? It's stuck. Oh, I, I freed it. Come back.

Incendio!

Why can't you kill these? Too evil. Those stacked backside look a lot like women's backsides if you lift up the tail. Uh-oh, police coming again. Would you make love with a stag if it waved its bum in front of you?

Incendio!

Uncollected rewards in the challenges menu. Where do I get that? Garner Larson is clipping it right now, sending it to the UK police.

Hello again, Miss Wolf.

Hello again, what can I do for you? This time he said Stag's bottoms look sexually arousing.

I actually—

Treasure vault. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here, but it's an open-world game. I can go anywhere I want. Oh, can I go here? I can't land. You should be able to land anywhere you want to. Are these enemies? Oh, who's— milkers. Whoops. Oh no, did it die? I think they can't die. What's here? Forbidden.

Oh, here's a pleasant surprise.

Look at those nips.

Ugh, all shiny and round. What do I do here?

Incendio!

These Merlin trials won't get the best of me.

Oh, I did it.

Easy.

I want to go inside here. Nothing happened. What happened? Poacher.

Well.

That's 1,400 damage. It's pretty cool we can do that.

Is that him saying that?

Shameful what you've done to helpless beasts!

Who's she talking to? Oh, there's no fall damage.

Revelio!

Where to go now? Hmm, have I explored this already? What's that blue thing?

Rebellion.

This could prove dangerous if I'm not careful.

Use fire on the barrels. I think it will just explode. I want to throw it at the enemy. Where is he? How do you launch it?

Let me ask you.

I don't have a shockwave spell. Oh, it's just a dog bog.

Ready yourself.

How am I supposed to?

Expelliarmus! What's that?

I say Billy wakes up more stink.

Incendio!

You tried casting Petrificus Totalus on me?

Never.

You'll be okay.

The beasts are safer now. I know a Merlin trial when I see one.

Scholarly cloak. Hmm.

Do I know what a ping pong show is? Yeah, I've heard of them. Isn't it like some kind of sexual thing? Ah, another puzzle. What do I do?

Revelio.

Accio. Leviosa. Incendio.

Revelio.

Incendio.

Revelio.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Myr himself would be proud.

I don't understand. After I finish these, nothing happens. Do I need to go somewhere? Whoa, what are these? Centaurs? Horse humans? Can I kill them?

Yes, you can.

Wow, look at their sexy backsides. How do they have sex? It must be weird. Well, there's loads of enemies in here. Spiders.

You let Norick Treadwell go, didn't you?

Well, I wish you hadn't. I've seen your magic, and I'm not afraid of it.

All of you. Oh.

Who's that man? Is he a bad guy? He's red.

Incendio!

I can't shoot him. Weird. Ouch, I'm gonna die. Don't have a potion.

Here.

Maybe dead.

Oh my God, I died.

To one tiny spider. Your journey has ended. Do you lose anything if you die? Follow the spiders. Okay, do I have to Let's go down here.

Oops.

I like this slow-motion effect when you kill stuff. It looks cool. This game's pretty addictive, actually. I don't know why. Which is good.

Yeah.

Oh, I died again. I wish it was a bit more obvious when you're nearly dead. It's hard to tell, the health bar's so small. There's barely any— I mean, there's no penalty for dying, which is nice, I guess. I'm nearly dead again. In Elden Ring, if you died, it is so annoying. In this game, you just restart from where you died from. Oh, do the spiders fight the poachers? Too many stupid spiders jumping at me. Look at all these spiders everywhere. There's too many. I think I'm too low level for this place. This is a level 20 area. Maybe I should get out of here. Why am I even here in the first place?

Hmm, seems a pleasant enough little place.

The remote loyalists are a menace. What can be done?

Revelio.

This looks kind of wrong. It looks like they're doing something else.

Rebellion.

Playing with the willies.

Reden wir.

Ja.

I could use some help!

Bardo Beaumont should have returned by now. Had by dark wizards he was.

What are you up to now?

Excuse me.

Did you say something about a—

I did. I don't think we've met. I was just worrying about Claire Beaumont's brother Bardolph.

Only he's gone missing.

Rumor is he was seen in the forest practicing dark magic. Saw him myself near some ruins with Rookwood's lot, I did. I fear he got himself into trouble with the Ashwinders, especially if he made them a promise he couldn't keep. I'd help search for him myself, but no one—

I can certainly look out for him.

Any help would be appreciated. You might speak to Claire first. I can tell you that Claire will be at her shop if you'd like to speak.

6 o'clock might go soon. I need to have a shower.

Hogsfield is being terrorized by Ranrok's loyalists.

It's not right.

I couldn't help but overhear. Did you mention Ranrok's loyalists?

I did.

Nice to meet you.

Ranrok and his follower, my brother Bardor, simply at love.

I am unfortunately quite familiar with Ranrok's loyalists. Perhaps I can do something.

Much as I would love to be rid of them, I wouldn't want you to risk— We should not have to live in fear. This is our home.

New instruments are expensive, you know.

Fair enough.

A sickle?

A galleon?

Imagine you could kill everyone.

It seems as though things are getting worse. Best be on my guard.

Incendio!

Wonder who lives here.

Probably shouldn't do that again.

How nice of you to stop by.

One of Ranrok's camps, exactly as Madame Beaumont described.

You don't know who you're fighting!

Stop avoiding me!

I won't rest! Where did they go? They must be under here somewhere.

Can you do a stealth attack? Oh, oh, you can, you can freeze them.

Interesting.

Too late for you to learn the error of your ways. One countdown, one more to go.

Enjoy suffering, do ya?

Too bad.

I was only following orders. Aim your accusations in someone else's direction if you— One less human to worry about.

Who's there?

How nice of you to stop by.

What was that?

Why, why bother fighting when I can just, uh, just turn them all into stone using stealth? You could just sneak around and turn them all into stone. Don't have to fight them.

Dragonborn would be glad to hear that.

What are they eating? Wow, look at that chicken.

Incendio!

The combat looks nice. Yeah, it's pretty good. Wouldn't expect it from a Harry Potter game. And there's so many spells I don't have. There's Bombarda and Defindo slashes objects from afar. Confringo. I think it's a pretty good magic combat system compared to other games like New World or World of Warcraft, The Witcher. I think it's a pretty unique magic combat system. I didn't think a Harry Potter game would have so much emphasis on fighting. It doesn't really feel like Harry Potter, to be honest. It just feels like a magic wizard fantasy game with Harry Potter elements like Hogwarts.

I do miss the bustle of business. Poor customers, afraid to venture out.

Keep streaming. No, I'm gonna end soon. I'm tired. I streamed for nine hours today.

I managed to catch them off guard.

When my brother returns, this news will go well to him. You saved our hamlet, my young friend. This will not be forgotten. I fear for other hamlets.

Truly, Bran Rock and his I need to have a shower as well. Sweaty.

What do you have for sale?

What are you looking for exactly? Thank you, sincerely.

Don't know if I should buy this stuff. It seems important, but I don't think I'm gonna make a potion with it. I could max out my offensive traits, do more damage maybe. I don't like how you have to change your clothing because I want to look like this, but I want the stats from the other stuff. Oh, this was pretty cool actually. Hunter's jacket. Fedora. Why does her hair disappear when you wear a hat? That's a bit annoying. How does glasses give you defense? Maybe it would protect your eyes from things getting into it. It looks like a dildo end. Look at that. Got 4 talent points. What could I get?

Hmm.

I think I need to go back to the school and learn some new stuff. Maybe some stealth stuff. Okay, I think I'm done for today. Gonna have a shower. I don't know if I can make any videos. My voice is dead. Oh, I'm tired. I want to shower and sit in silence. I think the hardest thing about streaming is having to talk all So thanks for watching. Bye-bye.